I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize