No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
