You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
