I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
What a dumb baby whore.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
