We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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