Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
