I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
