Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
