Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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