So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i think my cat just said my name.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Text me some of your sweat
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
