Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The chlamydia really affected his face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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