So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
