There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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