Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
