And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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