OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
