why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
