When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
