My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They took my balls.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
