is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
