Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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