Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
