I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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