The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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