I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
