Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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