All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
