He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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