i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
