you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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