Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
