why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
