just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
