my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
