Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
