It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
