are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
