using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
