I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
