Jerry, you need to find god
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
