one might say we're banned from that church
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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