clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
