glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
