I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
