I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize