turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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