You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
