Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
found the other keg... it's in the tree
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
