i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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