i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
