I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
