Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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