Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
