You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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