I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Bring me that man meat
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
