You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
