Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
