So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
