Porn is love you can see.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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