and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
