my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
