i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
