I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
