I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
