uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
