This dress was meant to end up on your floor
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
