this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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