Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
