community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
