The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize