how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
