K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
