Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Shame - the story of my life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
